REFLECTIONS

TESS MASTER'S guest role in "Blue Heelers" was a very demanding one. It included being wired with explosive packs to simulate bullet hits. What follows are here reflections upon the experience of 'being shot'.

SHOOTING A SHOOTING … it can be confusing.

"Seductive temptress with a lot of secrets has affair with local cop." … oooh yes!…. "and then gets shot and dies in his arms…." Oooh yes…..WHAAAAT!!!!

My excitement at landing an interesting guest role on Blue Heelers was quickly eclipsed by FEAR, PANIC and ANXIETY. I frantically thumbed through the script to the death scene - "little bubbles of blood in her mouth, body convulsing uncontrollably, eyelids flickering." OH MY GOD! How was I EVER going to pull THAT off?!

So…I set out doing all this research into shootings - asking doctor friends what happens to the body when a bullet goes into the chest, physical manifestations of shock etc. I was determined that I would die WELL (whatever the hell that means). Then I lost all faith that I would be able to do this with my imagination and so I decided to take the cheat's route and copy someone else's wonderful death. So I started watching every famous death scene in the history of film…oh yes….I 'll steal the eyelid flicker from that one and the blood choking from that one….Oh PALEASE I was getting desperate! AND more stressed by the minute. What started as a simple panic attack had developed into an obsession.

Then SANITY kicked in and I decided to concentrate on the important things. THE STORY…and how I was going to help tell that story; certainly NOT by concentrating on myself or my performance. The scene would not be about my fabulous self-indulgent death. Then I also remembered something a friend once told me - not to obsess over the writer's description of physical action or emotion. It is just how he/she imagined it at the time of writing. I had to make this death my own…and who knew how I would die if I was to be shot? So I decided to relax, do my preparation and wait until the day. It didn't help that the scene was the first one to be shot in the episode.

SO….the day comes and my mantra was RELAX….RELAX. But I had created so much tension that this was very difficult! But as I was sitting in the make-up chair a strange calmness came over me as I heard Richard's voice in my head. "The more relaxed you are the less control you have and the more opportunities arise". I needed to give myself permission to fail and be out of control which was actually easy because the character in this situation was literally out of control. Furthermore, the thing that we are always trying to remember to forget is what we know as actors … we know what will happen next, but the character doesn't … I had to maintain the idea that my character could only deal with the events as they happened … the idea that this has never happened before.

In my case I really didn't know what to expect! I had never worked with explosive charges or stunt people before and I was very nervous about this. But I just had to make a conscious effort to trust the people I was working with and be very aware of what I was dealing with technically. So I made sure I was very clear about the blocking, where the camera was, my marks, what was going to happen with the charges, what it would feel like, what the gunshots would be like etc. Then I got a five minute crash course in stunt work - how to fall when I got shot. So I practised this again and again until I felt very comfortable with what I was doing.

Everybody was very supportive and helpful so it made me more confident and trusting in the situation. But the time constraints of episodic TV do not allow for too much detailed preparation and so I DID feel rushed and pressured to do all of this in one take even though there were two sets of everything. But it took two guys an hour to rig everything onto me - wires, blood packs, tape, chords. God…I had things coming in and out of me everywhere and I could hardly breathe! We did NOT want to do this again - we were in 40 degree heat, there were heaps of extras, all this special rented equipment… and so the pressure was on!

As I was being driven back to set I started to really panic. There was so much to remember and it all depended on me getting it right. After final rehearsal I had everybody in my ear "Can you lead off with the left foot so we don't see the cables out of your legs, fall on Paul's chest, drop the bag to the right so the money falls out etc etc etc" AAAAHHH!!!!

I again reminded myself to relax and trust myself. I was a professional and I had done my preparation. So I treated this like any other scene - keep it simple. I put my need in place and just started breathing. But I was still finding it really hard to stop obsessing over the shooting which was only part of the story of the scene. After the shooting I was just in one big moment of surprise (which I was actually going to be anyway) so I wasn't worried about that. But I had to be careful, I didn't want to play the end of the scene at the beginning.

Right before the take Paul (Paul Bishop played the cop who was romantically involved with Tess' character) came up to me and told me to make it my own and because he was so nice and supportive. So I just jumped into it and had a great time.

In the end the death scene that I had stressed over for weeks was the best scene I did in the episode because I was alive (pardon the pun)! I didn't think and show the work. I just reacted and went with the moment. But I had almost allowed my stress to ruin everything that I had prepared. I almost forgot all the simple things that I have known as an actor for years and threw out the process we all know works! It was a really good lesson for me … remembering the freedom that comes from putting the right things in place and TRUSTING THEM!!!

Tess Masters

December, 2001

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